House calls

Bachelor #2
Busy busy week-
Sunday:
Went to the boat show, discovered it was closing early that day, decided to go for a scenic walk along the lake instead. After getting some sweet photographs and losing feeling in my ears, we decided to go see a movie. The Book of Eli, movie was okay, him lifting the armrest between us and cuddling me the whole time was better. Drove him home, took all my might to deny his request to come upstairs. No nookie, wanted to play hard to get/show myself (and him) that it wasn't all about the physical aspect. Settled for a quick kissing sesh outside his place instead.

Tuesday:
Booty call night, waited at my place until around 8:30 until he got off of class. Drove over, "watched a movie," laid around, I dragged myself out of his place to get home and get a real nights sleep for work the next morning.

Thursday:
Parents out of town, making the most of that opportunity I invited him over for "homemade" pizza and to watch the Office. Showed him how much better my bed is than his. He drove home around midnight to finish up some work for the next day, I immediately crashed asleep.

Saturday:
Went out with my friends for dinner + drinks, he was out all day boozing with his brother. Texted each other around 9, met up at his place around 11, watched a movie, fell asleep. Being the bad sleeper I am, combined with sleeping in a strange bed with a snorer and no ambien, I spent most of the night reading NYT articles on my iphone and going to the bathroom around 4 times. Waited until a decent hour (9am) to wake him up to share my dream about his waterfall shower. He showed me that it was even better in real life ;)...then made me choco chip banana pancakes and lazied it up for the rest of the morning. He had mounds of file work to do at his office so he drove me home around 10. Best morning ever.

Bachelor #3

I was initially drawn to Bachelor #3 merely on looks, by far the most attractive bachelor yet. 24 years old, Engineer, from Southern Illinois he seemed to be the most standard Midwest boy one can imagine. We whipped thru the guided communication stages, a time where I was managing about 7 different possibilities and was not quite focused on any one match. With two first dates under my belt, my confidence level was nearing cocky by the time Bach#3 asked me out to meet for drinks.

This combination of forces was most likely the cause behind my reason for flaking on poor Bachelor #3 on the day we were supposed to meet up for some daytime German festival beers and sausages. I was hung over from partying with friends the night before, and figured we could easily reschedule for later in the week. In retrospect, this was a bad idea. Its never good to start off with a first impression of flakiness, and I think this had a lot to do with how things eventually unfolded with B#3. He seemed genuinely concerned about my health, which made me feel even worse for stretching the truth, and agreed to my suggested "rain date" to meet up at a later time.

Fast forward about two weeks, when we finally found a date that we were both available. I have an erking feeling that he was playing hard to get for the first week as a little payback for cancelling on him previously. The fact he works most Monday-Fridays in NYC didn't help the matter either. But so, we decided to meet a Wednesday evening for burgers and beers at a classic Chicago establishment. (Lets keep in the backs of our minds, this is the Wednesday following my great second date with Bachelor #2 who was still very much in the forefront of my mind)...

Date One:
I arrive in the small hole-in-the-wall classic Chicago burger joint looking for B#3 near the hostess stand. Tell the girl I'm meeting someone, and is quickly shooed towards the crowded bar area. I recognize him at once, by this my third first date I've found how helpful it is to have a quick cram/study session of the guy's eharmony page before. He looks just as cute as he did in his pictures, but right away I can sense an uncomfortable level of shyness. With an awkward hug he ushers me straight up to the hostess stand with no offer to grab a drink at the bar before dinner. Not that I needed it, but had figured this might quell the obvious tension both of us were now experiencing.

Things that went poorly during the duration of the date - he ordered a club sandwich on wheat (at the best burger place in the city), was so shy I had to carry the whole conversation, started to preach to me about being "so young, and how I should go to law school right away and stop wasting time," and the kicker - after picking up the tab I excused myself to the ladies room and upon my return to the table he was waiting for me at the hostess stand with my coat ready to bounce. Now, I realize that the date wasn't going ideally, he was too boring for me and he probably thought I was too crazy for him...but really? Bringing my coat to the door to end the date is low. I think now that he must have suffered from some sort of social disorder because a properly functioning social action does not pull that kind of move.

Post Date:
His end of evening text message thanked me for the evening and wished me the best of luck in law school. I thanked him for the burgers, and hoped he had a good week working in NYC. After ten days, and no further contact, I was seriously ready to completely write Bachelor #3 off due to lack of "hitting it off" and the shy factor. However, things were going a little shaky with Bachelor #2 (and as we know from previous posts B#1 was far and gone from the picture), so I sought to distract myself from the slump I was experiencing by texting B#3. No good; a quick polite text to and from him was sufficient enough to remind myself that I cannot force something that just isn't right. The end.

Bachelor #2

It's been a while since I started with Bachelor #2, but thankfully there is a written record of all my interactions nicely organized on the eHarmony website. As one can imagine, it is quite easy to loose track of who's who when you are dealing with numerous matches at one time, so going back to November to see how I started with B#2 was quite a long assignment. It all began with a cute little "wink" message that stated one of my matches sent me an Ice Breaker (a little message that pops up), which was my first so I was pleasantly surprised. After reviewing his profile and his pictures, I was quite smitten with this outgoing and adventurous match option. After about a week of going through the motions on the guided communication, we began the open eHarmony messaging. A short time after, he asked me out to meet up for a drink over one of our many worktime emails. I agreed, and suggested Goose Island brewery because I had been dying to try a new specialty beer (and figured what guy wouldn't think a girl was sooo cool to suggest a brewery?).
Anyway...here's what followed-
Date One
-I was early, accidentally texted him instead of my friend, played it off okay.
-Discussed college life, fraternities, sports, dogs.
-He was pleasantly outgoing, and unlike Bachelor #1, had plenty to talk about. I was an immediate fan of his adventurous stories of scuba diving, boating, flying, and travel.
-It was right before the Christmas/New Years holiday, so we left things open, not setting a solid follow up date.
Date Two
-After about a week, I had written him off - no texts, emails, calls...but just when I was setting up a date with Bachelor #3 I received a text wishing me a happy new year and wondering if I wanted to meet up again sometime soon.
-Unfortunately, the request to meet up was actually a dinner at his friend (a girl's) house that was cooking dinner. I felt a little awkward meeting his friends on our second date and suggested that we meet up after he was finished with dinner. This was on a Monday night, a big Bears game was on and I had gone to hang out at a friends place and subsequently got pretty intoxicated waiting around for his call.
-Long story short, we decided to meet up later on in the week instead because it got too late for me.

Date Two:
-bowling and martini's
-I offered to pick up the drinks while he got our shoes. Definitely was not as good as I remembered, but quickly got the hang of it after a couple of gutterballs. Lost fair and square to him the first game and agreed to play a second as the date was progressing; full of good conversation, another round of martini's, and my need to prove I wasn't awful at coordination.
-He was cute and helpful (bordering on bossy, but I could tell he didn't want to come off that way) in giving me pointers to at least hit some pins. I pulled the flirtatious move of asking him to stand behind me to act-out the proper stance, ever so slightly brushing my butt against his "man region" and fully aware of the message I was trying to send. Testing out these kinds of waters are essential to me because I am not ashamed in the least, and love to see their reactions.
-This flirtation, along with the delicious Skittles martini (danger in the form of a purple concoction that tasted exactly like the candy and went down far easier than a bag of the sweets), made for a much more exciting second game. I had gotten back in my groove whipping a strike the very first throw, and his self-disappointment at himself for not getting the first strike was apparent. It was then that I decided to up the anty and offer to make the game "more interesting with a bet." Loser gives winner a massage. Obviously he accepted, and unbeknownst to him I had already decided to let him win. I've found that sometimes, early on, it is a good thing to pump a guy full of confidence - and a massage they feel they've earned is just icing on top. Sometime mid-game, the stakes were raised to include the loser having to make the winner a homemade meal of their choosing.
-After bowling, we were on our way back to his place to watch a movie and massage (I promised to make good on my bet). I met his roommate who was occupying the living room and television, and turned down Bachelor #2's request to move things to the bedroom. The roommate got the hint and went back to his room leaving us to privacy, his back rub, and some movie which I don't recall. Kissing soon followed.
-After our hot'n'heavy sesh, I indicated that it was far later than I had planned on staying out, and asked him to walk me to a cab. Almost 1:00am on a Monday night, and knowing I had a long day of work ahead of me, I halfheartedly pushed the boy off of my body and the couch. He insisted on driving me home without hesitation, and I accepted for the savings in cab fare and was very grateful. Sitting outside my apartment in his car, our goodbye was very reminiscent of high school days where you make out in the front seat and hope no one is watching. He inquired if I had ever cooked scallops in my vast culinary experience, and mentioned how he had some in his freezer that he had been meaning to use but didn't know how to prepare them. Backwardly asking me to cook them for him, I was too tired to play dumb and confidently told him I'd show him how to cook them anytime. We agreed to sometime later in the week.

Date Three:
-By the very next day following our bowling escapades, Bach#3 had confirmed our next date, I would cook him a scallop dinner at his place Friday night after work. I spent all day leading up to the dinner stressed out about what exactly to cook, what if any ingredients or equipment he would have, and obviously what to wear. I wanted to be cute, yet sexy; comfortable, not grungy; clean, but not bring my own apron etc. By the time I had to leave my house that night I had settled on the recipes (prosciutto wrapped scallops to start-seafood pasta with a saffron cream sauce-homemade chocolate chip cookie sandwiches with coffee ice cream and hazelnut topping), chosen a perfect outfit (leggings, tunic, heels) and gathered the appropriate groceries/mis en place. I made and assembled the ice cream sandwiches at my place before to cut down on the prep time at his place, and to add a secret surprise element which is always nice. We never made it to dessert anyway, so mute point.
-I arrived at his place around 8, and due to the fact he didn't thaw the seafood completely before I arrive, we didn't sit down to eat until around 9:30. I made due with his bachelor stocked kitchen, no cutting board, and rusted "cut-co" style knives. He kept the vino flowing as I pranced around the kitchen trying not to let my Hells Kitchen maniac chef side show too much. I made a perfect picture of multi tasking; chopping, sauteing, mixing, flirting, random kisses, slapping his hand with the wooden spoon when he kept eating the rigatoni prior to it's completion. By the time we actually ate, I wasn't hungry anymore and was more interested in jumping to the couch-play I knew was inevitable. My overly self-judgmental personality in regards to my cooking made it impossible to believe that the overcooked pasta was as good as he said it was, but I nodded and continued to flirt my way to what I wanted for dessert ;)
-Like I said before, we did not have ice cream sandwiches for our post-meal treat. I was satisfied nonetheless. It was very late at this point, and Bachelor #2 offered to move my car for at this time of the night I could have been towed. I obliged, not thinking how messy I had left my damn car, or how loud my cd was playing. Giving me ample time to go to the bathroom and steal his amazing overly-plush robe, he returned and we had some more "dessert" before both exhausted falling asleep. I wasn't offended when he rolled me over to the opposite side of his bed, claiming I was on "his side" but rather found it cute and liked his confidence in his own personal routines.
-Sleeping in a stranger's bed, the lack of ambien, and an early morning hangover roused me from my slumber earlier than I would have liked. After laying awake for about 30 minutes I figured I'd get out of bed to go to the bathroom/have my movement wake Bachelor #2 from his sleep. No way, he was out like a log and continued to sleep through my constant disruption of the bed, sheets, and even his pillows. By 8:00 I was tired of fake sleeping and decided to prod him awake. Big mistake-he grumbled like Shrek something along the lines of "I don't mean to be an asshole, but I'm not a morning person." Whoaa, sleeping dragon! Not really, about 20 seconds later and he was fine and apologetic for his half asleep grunting. So much so that he tried to get a morning dose of "dessert." I gracefully declined his request, and told him to go back to sleep because I wanted to get a move on to make it to my 9:00 am yoga class. About an hour later I finally made it out into daylight, and drove home to go back to sleep in my own bed. To be continued...

Bachelor #1

These posts will act as a compilation of each successful match with whom I have progressed beyond the "getting to know you" phase of online dating and moved into the scary yet exciting world of actual dating. The mandatory phrase: identities have been changed to protect the innocent applies and the candidates (all pun intended) shall thus forth be referred to by the number which matches their entrance into my dating world experience.

I was matched with Bachelor #1 at some time in late October while I was testing out the waters during the free trial. He passed my criteria of decent looking and intriguing profile info, so I decided not to dismiss him as an option. Shortly after I received an email informing me that he had requested "fast track" and I accepted, thoroughly complimented by the quick response. After a couple of awkward and short eHarmony communications, he sought to chat via email due to the fact he "hated logging on to the eHarmony website because the picture of the couple thoroughly irritated him". I thought he was funny.

Background on B#1:

• 27 years old
• English teacher and writer (later discovered that he was a teaching assistant and now earns his living instead by writing for a college football website)
• lives relatively close to me, no roommates.

First date:

• He suggests a local restaurant/bar in my neighborhood (I live in a widely recognized gay area of town; a detail that will later come into play) called Wilde, an Irish pub which I figured he chose due to the fact it was within walking distance from me.
• It was miserable weather; I'm talking hail, snow, winds - everything you'd expect from a Chicago winter storm. That said, I was not surprised when the restaurant was completely empty - save one man with a hat on, sitting at the bar alone. (He had told me I'd be able to recognize him because he'd be wearing a hat. Not some suave hat, a normal ski hat to "hide his recent bad haircut" but figure more likely premature balding. Which I have no problem with, just own up to it.)
• We sat at the bar and chatted over a couple of beers and it was nice getting to know about his job and his family. There were some things that immediately pushed my irritated buttons like the fact he was a germaphobe, and washed his hands several times throughout our date (before the spinach dip, after the spinach dip, and another time that I'll chock up to a legit bathroom necessity). A second was that he constantly was fiddling with his man-ring that was both too large in size and located on his thumb.
• Just when I began to feel less nervous and thought "this isn't so bad," the date quickly took a turn for the worst. Our John Gosslin-look a like bartender, clearly bored from the slow night, had engaged my date after overhearing something about him being a writer. The two of them hit it off better than me and him. Topics of discussion included writing, which led to scripts, which lead to television shows. This may not have bothered me as much as it did, however the shows which B#1 showed the most enthusiasm for was Dawson's Creek and Gossip Girl (where I discovered that this guy had actually come up with the idea and wrote several episodes prior to the WB).
• I know I wasn't imagining this because I clearly recall the faces that I made with the progression of their conversation. Seeing my reflection in the bar mirror, I do not see how this bartender did not realize that he was encroaching on my game - he had to have known. Also, gay bartenders tend not to approach single straight men. What was I thinking. I will give B#1 some credit, like a good gentleman, he offered to walk me home. Three blocks and some slight frostbite later, a quick hug and cheek kiss ended my first ever first date.

Second Date:

• Despite that erking "he's a homo but doesn't know it" feelings I was having, I accepted B#1's request for a second date. I mean, hey, I'm in the dating game - if I don't go on dates, how I am supposed to gain experience. And I didn't know for sure that he was gay, he seemed to be into me most of the night, and he asked for a second date. What can I say, I'm willing to give a guy a chance if he shows the effort and determination.
• We plan to meet at the movie theater to see Up in the Air, curiously selected by him - a George Clooney fan I should have figured, but nonetheless the best option at the time. It was lesson in awkward experiences to say the least. I recognized him no problem, same hat same attractive bright blue eyes.
• Next stop, the concession stand. We had been playing a guessing game as to which movie-snack was our favorite, he was guessing candies all over the place (even though I had mentioned how I do not enjoy sweets, but was proud that I've never had a cavity for about 10 minutes on our first date). The answer is popcorn, if you were wondering. Which made for an interesting waiting game in the line. I suggest we split a drink if he was ordering Dots (which I can't stand, bad texture, pure sugar) as well as offered to split the tab - which was more expensive than our tickets that I purchased online prior to the movie. He agreed upon the condition that we get two straws - ugh, I hate germaphobes. How does he expect to kiss me if he won't even share a straw...anyway. I was genuinely surprised when he didn't run off to wash his hands in the bathroom prior to the show.
• After the movie we headed across the street to a nice little wine bar, but he quickly suggested the dive bar a few doors down due to the fact he was underdressed (maybe he just didnt want to take off his hat?). I obliged, never turning down a free drink, and I was curious to talk a little more with him as there was no connecting during the movie (not as much as a whisper). Nothing interesting enough to even write about happened at this one-beer only rendezvous. Except the fact I discovered he didn't know how to swim, that was third strike. What grown man doesn't know how to swim, I couldn't fathom.
• Bad got worse during our parting goodbye where I could tell he was just itching to swoop in for that second date goodnight kiss. I was antsy to actually get into my car once I had opened the door, but he pulled some awkward body block and grabbed my face with both hands before I could stop it all. I immediately pursed my lips as tight as they could manage while his cold fish mouth attacked mine. Thankful, he got the message and it was over before I had to iniate the polite push-off manuever. I hopped into my car, thanked him for the popcorn and beer, and never looked back.

I have not had any communication with Bachelor #1 since. The end.

Fast Track vs. Guided Communication

There seem to be three major things important to a successful online dating profile:

1. Pictures - lets be honest here, no matter how great your profile is no one is going to consider someone that is horrendous looking (or worse doesn't have any pictures posted at all, because that could mean worse than horrendous). I'm not saying everyone out there is totally shallow, but if there is no chance of physical attraction, there is no chance at a lasting relationship. And that is the goal in this dating game (at least for me, so shouldn't I hold the same standards for my potential matches?).
2. Profile information - once you have seen the pictures, you then commit to reading the sometimes obnoxiously long and trying-way-hard to be funny "about me" section of your match's profile. This information includes probing questions such as: List 3 Things you cannot live without, Other than your parents who has been the most influential person in your life, Your idea of a romantic evening includes...If you can nab a total stranger's attention in these sometimes repetitive questions, you've done a great job.
3. Preferred mode of communication -this is the way in which you choose to go about "getting to know" your matches. Either you jump straight to "open communication" - eHarmony's answer for the ADD daters where you start right off the bat with a mini-email type chat box. Or you can opt for the safer, but understandably more time consuming "guided communication" where you enter a series of questions where the website helps by provided staged questions on an increasingly personal scale. The goal of which is to make it to the "open communication" stage without losing the interest of your match (there is always the option to "CLOSE MATCH" at any point if you find the answers do not actually match you after all).

At this point, I am adequately satisfied with all three of these major online dating qualifications. I meticulously selected pictures of myself doing the various activities that I enjoy, making sure I looked at least decent (which can be hard to find a picture of myself drinking wine without looking totally smashed). I worked tirelessly on my answers on my profile page, choosing witty (well what I thought was witty) quips to keep men's short attention span intrigued. And decided I felt more comfortable going with the slower, more controlled "guided communication" option, while leaving the ability for those "fast-track" kind of guys to still have the ability to communicate with me.

I was all set and ready to start managing my many suitors, which had soared to an unreasonable 200+ (I kept receiving matches during my hiatus, so, yeah...six months time leaves a lot of unseen profiles to sort through). Thus, I was in desperate need of some major tweaking of my profile settings. I proceeded to minimize my search to only include men between the ages of 23-30, white/Caucasian, within 20 miles, non-to-occasional smokers, Christian, wants kids, and college-educated. I realize this is slightly narrow, however, you'd be surprised how many of the matches remained after my heavily restricted filters. Left with about 30 matches, I began to click through and quickly "CLOSE MATCH" with many I did not immediately vibe with pictures or profiles.

And so it begins - "New Match Received"

It did not take long to receive my first "match." Within minutes after completing my extremely long personality test, my inbox was inundated with emails boasting of potential suitors who - according to the website's tagline - were compatible matches.

A little background on eHarmony the website and my personal foiree into the unknown world of online dating...I chose eHarmony after much consideration of various other websites like:

• match.com (I heard and read mixed reviews commenting that this one was for frisky singles, and was more closely linked with more casual encounters - something I was hoping to move away from)
• Jdate (I'm not Jewish, so out this option was passed over quite immediately. However, my close personal friend was at the time a member and had some relative success, which helped my confidence in the general idea of joining a website which charged for their services)
• chemistry.com (I didn't know much about this one, and found the couples in their tv advertisements to be extremely irritating. Plus, there were no offers to try this website at the time, and I wasn't about to invest time and money into something without doing my proper research)

As for eHarmony; a combination of appealing television commercials (its amazing how easily I am swayed with good advertisement), a free trial, and super attractive online pitch - got me hooked. After a short stint on their "free communication weekend" offer back in August, I vowed to join once I had settled into my new post-college graduation life in Chicago. This took longer than expected, but thankfully my eHarmony profile lay dormant while I spent the summer galavanting around the city trying to taking dating into my own hands.

Fast forward past one "prefer to remain unmentioned" one night stand, a great homecoming weekend fling with my senior year sweetheart, and an unstable/stressful hook up relationship with a member of my circle of friends. After one lonely, cold, wine diluted evening I took the plunge into online dating pool. This was during one particularly slow work day, and I was tired of searching for funny distracting websites and felt my gchat buddies were saturated with sad stories of previously-mentioned hook up boy. And that's all it took, faster than checking out with a Cart full of shoes from Zappos.com, I was now an online bachelorette.

A New Year, A New Strategy

After much deliberation, I decided to pay for a matchmaker. His name is Dr. Warren, his creed is "matching people on deeper levels of compatibility" or some such non-shallow message that can be heard on the many television commercials promoting eHarmony.com.

After several bachelors and many hours spent playing my new favorite work time distraction, I also decided that I might need a better strategy if I had any intentions of winning this new game I had so lavishly invested in. Well, not too lavish - about $30 bucks a month for a minimum of 3, I had bought access to a daily provider of potential dates. Which so far has exceeded my return on investment both financially (I was surprised that many dates had turned down my obligatory "dutch the bill?" offer) and emotionally.

The idea to start a blog occurred after my third round of dates, when I began to realize I had to research each bachelor and our communications online prior to the date so that I didn't embarrass myself by repeating stories, asking questions that had already been answered in depth, or mentioning faux-pas topics (to be discussed in further detail). And so, with the new year and the usual resolutions, I signed up for a blog to detail my newly found dating escapades. I'd like to mention now that I am not writing this for a public forum, anyone who is reading this has most likely received the address from myself, and is aware of the general background details of myself, so I wont even begin to delve into my thoroughly rich history of dating/hookups/one night stands. Maybe if the dating game slows down, I will share some of the more colorful stories just so that one day when I'm old and wrinkled I can look back on my adventurous escapades and smile as to how successful and glorious (some) of my encounters have been.